Building Your Support Team | Who to Call and When

Let's be honest – you didn't plan for this journey. You probably didn't envision navigating the complex maze of dementia care while handling everything else on your plate. Many men were raised to be self-reliant, to figure things out on our own. That approach serves us well in many situations, but caregiving isn't one of them.

I've noticed that male caregivers often face unique challenges – you’re less likely to seek help and more likely to reach a crisis point before reaching out. You might approach problem-solving differently than female caregivers and experience isolation in predominantly female caregiver support groups. But here's the truth I've learned from speaking with hundreds of men in your shoes: building a support team isn't a sign of weakness – it's the most practical strategy for sustainable caregiving.

Your Inner Circle: Family and Friends

Start with those closest to you. This might feel uncomfortable at first, but be specific about what you need:

The Listener: Identify one or two people you can call when you just need someone to hear you out. This might be a sibling, an old friend, or a neighbor who's good at lending an ear without trying to fix everything.

The Relief Team: Who can stay with your loved one while you get a haircut, see the dentist, or just take a drive? Create a small rotation of trusted individuals who can give you short breaks.

The Practical Helper: Some friends want to help but don't know how. Keep a list of specific tasks – picking up prescriptions, mowing the lawn, dropping off a meal – that you can match with offers of "let me know if you need anything."

Most people genuinely want to help but don't know what you need. Being direct about specific tasks makes it easier for everyone.

Professional Support: Beyond the Doctor's Office

Medical care is just one piece of the puzzle. Consider adding these professionals to your team:

Care Manager: These professionals (often social workers or nurses) specialize in coordinating care and connecting you with resources. They can help navigate the healthcare system and find services you might not know about.

Home Health Aides: Even a few hours of professional help each week can provide enormous relief. They can assist with personal care tasks that might be challenging for you.

Elder Law Attorney: A one-time consultation can help you understand options for protecting assets and planning for future care needs.

Financial Advisor: Someone familiar with elder care costs can help you make practical plans for managing current and future expenses.

Community Resources You Might Not Know About

Your community likely offers resources specifically designed for your situation:

Area Agency on Aging: This should be one of your first calls. They can connect you with local services, many at reduced or no cost.

Meal Delivery Services: Beyond the well-known Meals on Wheels, many communities have additional options for nutritious, affordable meal delivery.

Transportation Services: Special transportation options exist for medical appointments if driving becomes difficult.

Adult Day Programs: These provide structured activities for your loved one and valuable respite for you.

Fellow Travelers: Finding Peer Support

There's nothing quite like talking with someone who truly "gets it." While you might feel uncomfortable in traditional support groups (especially if you're the only man there), there are alternatives designed with you in mind.

Online Forums: Groups specific to male caregivers offer 24/7 support from the privacy of your home.

Men's Caregiver Support Groups: Ask your local Alzheimer's Association about groups specifically for men. If none exist, they might help you start one.

One-on-One Connections: Some organizations offer "buddy" programs that match you with another male caregiver for individual support.

When to Call in Reinforcements

Watch for these signals that it's time to expand your support team:

Ø You're consistently not getting enough sleep

Ø Your own health is suffering

Ø You feel angry or resentful more often than not

Ø Simple tasks feel overwhelming

Ø You're becoming isolated from others

Don't wait for a crisis – these are early warning signs that you need additional support.

Making the Call: Overcoming Barriers

I know picking up the phone isn't easy. Here are some strategies that have helped other men in your position:

Ø Script your first call if you're nervous

Ø Start with one resource and build from there

Ø Remember that using support services benefits your loved one too

Ø View it as gathering intelligence – something we're often good at

Your Next Steps: Building Your Team

You wouldn't try to build a house without the right tools and crew. Caregiving is no different. Here's what to do this week:

1. Make one call to your local Area Agency on Aging

2. Identify one friend or family member you can ask for a specific type of help

3. Check out the resource list we've included with this newsletter

You don't have to figure everything out at once. Building your support team is a process, not an event. But that first call? It might be the most important one you make.

You’re not alone on this journey.

Your Caregiving Wingman✈️

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